S Tier - Inflatable Kayak . This tier also requires the boat person in question to be an absolute savage, scheming hard at all times.

Mobility 10/10

Worst case scenario: You get lost due to the staggering level of mobility.

A Tier - Yacht. You have a lot of money and you know exactly how to spend it. You probably own a hot tub and an air fryer as well. While you can't sail on smaller lakes and rivers, you can explore the open ocean and even live on your boat if you get into a fight with you significant other over who's turn it is to clean the air fryer.

Mobility: 8/10

Worst case scenario: Pirates. This can be pretty bad, but your cousin hooked you up with top notch insurance so you'll probably be fine. Remember to always keep a few swords on board for these situations!

B Tier - Sailboat. You did it. You finally bought that 40-foot schooner that you talked about to your neighbor Ashton for the past 10 years. Ever since your parents signed you up for sailing camp the summer before high school, you've lusted after the open ocean with the wind at your back and nothing but possibility on the horizon.

Mobility: 1/10-9/10 depending on the wind. (Wild card bonus)

Worst case scenario: You fall behind on the upkeep and end up spending thousands to dock it in a marina thats 40 minutes away from your house so you never make it over there except for the odd weekend. Your wife wants you to sell it but it has been your dream since you were 13 and you aren't ready to give up on it. This becomes a huge point of contention between the two of you that ultimately results in a messy divorce. You end up living on your boat inside the marina, drinking bottom shelf tequila all day.

C Tier - Pirate Ship. This boat obviously is certainly the most badass of all the boats. Pirate ships will run a higher risk of sea battles, which can be a good or bad thing depending on the kind of day you're trying to have. Don't you hate it when you're trying to throw a classy wine and cheese party for your cool coworkers that you have a secret group chat with and suddenly you get hit with cannon-fire? Sure you were flying the neutral flag, but pirates are hardly known for following the rules. You have no choice but to retaliate, and before you know it you're below deck showing your coworkers where you keep your birdshot. Sure it makes for a fun Saturday, but at the same time any of you could very easily die at any moment.

Mobility: 2/10 confined to deep water and cant be moved across land if need be

Worst case scenario: Mutiny

D Tier - Life boat. When you think of a life boat, you may recall images of that stupid little rowboat from Life of Pi. Or maybe the lifeboats from Titanic. Both of these movies actually took place thousands of years ago and life boat technology has come a very long way since then. To be completely honest, lifeboats are pretty cool now. Also the fact that you have a lifeboat means you also have a boat big enough to warrant having a life boat for it, so good for you.

Mobility: 7/10 These things are pretty neat

Worst case scenario: You drift for a few weeks, before finally landing on an island. Only the island turns out to be inhabited by cannibals! They quickly eat you and then use your boat to escape their island. Where do they go? Australia! They make their way across the entire continent, eating everyone in sight. One hundred and eleven years later the Australian accent no longer exists anywhere on earth, except for in recordings.

D Tier - Paddle boat. Are you even serious right now? Who in their right mind would ever go out and buy a paddle boat. These confounded things are only boats on a technicality and should honestly be illegal. It takes so much paddling to move at all, and if you want to turn you have to coordinate your paddles with your friend? No thank you. Plus, your legs are gonna feel like jelly when you get back to shore and stand up. No one has ever finished paddle boarding and not been glad it was over.

Mobility: Dog's breakfast

Worst case scenario: You ever set foot in a paddle boat, god forbid.